Party Foul


I returned home to what I thought would be my everyday, normal, relationship. I mean as normal as any relationship could be, but when I left things were okay, and when I got back they just… weren’t. Have you ever just had a terrible feeling about something and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? Well that’s how I felt when I got back and Shmenn really wasn’t helping things.

I knew she had hung out with one of my teammates while I was gone, but soon I noticed her texting her all the time, coming home late, and just all around being sketchy. She claimed nothing had happened between them while I was South of the Border, but I knew better, and  my suspicions were confirmed at the next rugby party we went to.

*Theme music and opening credits play*

There was a party going on at Shmellen’s house and it was hopping as per ush (uje?). Every gay worth knowing was there at their 3 bedroom apartment and all seemed fun until I noticed Shmenn hanging around the teammate I had a bad feeling about, let’s call her, Shmanet. I was playing beer pong with Courtney and my best friend, probably getting my ass kicked because Courtney always beats me at beer pong, but mostly my eyes and ears were trained on Shmenn, touching Shmanet’s arm, leaning on her shoulder, making all sorts of eyes at her. I could feel my temper boiling over but thought maybe I was just being crazy.

Shortly thereafter Shmenn came over and told me she was leaving because she didn’t feel well, mostly I think she could tell that I was uncomfortable. I told her I would get a ride home and I would see her later. Not ten minutes later I received a text from her:

Can you come outside? 

Why did everything have to be so dramatic with girls? I just wanted to have a fun night and to not feel weird about my girlfriend being into someone else, and now I was leaving the party at the beckoning of an ominous text. She was sitting on the stairs of the neighboring apartment building waiting for me, I could tell something was up.

“Look, I have to tell you something.” She started off, and I stood across from her, arms folded sipping my trashcan punch from a red solo cup.

“Go on…”

“When you were in Mexico something did happen, you’ve been right to feel so weird.” She was very calm, but also her voice was shaking. Remember when I mentioned last time that Shmenn had an adult sleepover while I was gone? Yeah, shit’s about to hit the fan.

“Did you sleep with her?” I asked.

“Well, yes and no.” She said, and her coyness didn’t help ease my concern which I guess she read on my face. “We didn’t fuck, but we did kiss, and she slept over.”

Before the words had left her mouth I had thrown my drink and was running up the three flights of stairs back to the party. I flew through the door like a bat out of hell and saw Shmanet on the back porch smoking. I don’t even know what I yelled at her besides that if she ever touched my girlfriend again I would kick her ass (humorous being that this girl was quite a bit bigger than me) before I felt arms around me pulling me away from the balcony. Shmenn was crying at the front door, Shmellen and another teammate had wrangled me into the nearest bedroom and were trying to calm me down. I heard someone tell Shmanet that she should leave, I didn’t hear her protest but I did hear the faint sound of laughter.

This should have been the end of me and Shmennifer. Not because this was unforgivable, not by any means, but because it was basically only downhill from here and the things to come would be much more detrimental to both of us emotionally. Of course we couldn’t possibly know that, and we were in love, so we continued on — also we were dumb. As most 21-year-olds are.

Shmenn was apologetic and remorseful, I was peeved beyond belief that I had been cheated on but also because I had been made to feel crazy for thinking something had happened — one of the worst things you can do to a person is invalidate their feelings and make them feel crazy for something they’re actually right about. It really just fucks with their head. Also to this day Shmenn is the only person I have been 100% faithful to in a relationship (I know, I’m the worst) despite this particular mishap. The moral of this story is: it doesn’t matter how good you are, sometimes people will find a way to be shitty even if you haven’t given them a reason to. Also, always trust your gut. Also also, never waste alcohol. What was I thinking throwing down that punch?? Party foul, Chris.

*Next week on Nobody Scissors, I come to terms with a few things*


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